Protein Goal Hats

Somewhere in the last couple of years, "did you hit your protein?" became the question people ask each other instead of "how are you?" Protein coffee, protein snacks, protein cereal, and a steady stream of GLP-1 users told to eat more of it have turned grams into a daily scoreboard. These hats are for the people keeping score. They are not diet-shaming and they are not about the number on a scale: the jokes are about devotion, and the devotion is absurd in a friendly way. A plain PROTEIN badge sits at the front for the shopper who just wants the word. PROTEIN FIRST sets the priority list. CHICKEN, RICE and BROCCOLI is the bodybuilder's default plate, stacked like a menu with one entry. A grocery list sorted by grams of protein, a shopper who asks whether there is any in it, a pun about whey, a person eating chicken as if it owed them money, and a Sunday spent portioning meal prep all follow, and the last line admits what it cost: hit the protein, missed everything else. Every design is custom embroidered on an unstructured dad hat. The two strongest lines, HIGH PROTEIN LOW PATIENCE and the chicken-that-owes-me-money bit, each get a second colorway. Wear it to the gym, the grocery store, or the Sunday kitchen, and expect a nod from anyone else who has read the back of a label twice.