Mixed Metaphor Hats

A mixed metaphor that lands in conversation has a name: a malaphor, short for malapropism plus metaphor, a term credited to Lawrence Harrison in a Washington Post piece called "Searching for Malaphors." The classic example is "it's not rocket surgery," which fuses "it's not rocket science" and "it's not brain surgery." Forum threads keep running lists of them: "a bird in hand gathers no moss," "that's a horse of a different feather," "the road to hell wasn't built in a day," and "I'll burn that bridge when I come to it." Khaleej Times ran two listicles of them, so the genre is mainstream. These mixed metaphor hats are for the proud mangler of idioms. MIXED METAPHORS is the search-term badge, since that is what people type. IT'S NOT ROCKET SURGERY already sells on eBay tees, though no hat listing for the phrase turned up. THE EARLY BIRD GETS THE SECOND MOUSE riffs on an anti-proverb in print since at least 1994-95 and attributed to Steven Wright, so it is a joke rather than a malaphor. The rest are blends that snap shut, from a hammer and a thumb to a sleeping dog caught lying through its teeth. The rocket surgery line and the burned bridge each come in a second colorway. Every design is custom embroidered on an unstructured dad hat. Wear one to your next meeting, or give it to the dad who says it all the time.