Minivan Hats

The minivan is parenthood's most honest vehicle: no pretense of speed, no illusion of cool, just sliding doors, a third row, and cupholders in the double digits. 'Minivan dad' and 'minivan mom' are the identities that come with it, worn the way enthusiasts wear 'car guy' or 'gearhead,' except the payoff is cargo space instead of horsepower. The jokes here run on the vehicle's own terms: the bumper-sticker boast flipped on itself ('my other car is also a minivan'), the zero-to-sixty line everyone already knows is a punchline, and the fries under the seat that have outlived at least one presidential administration. This collection is for the parent who gave up being cool roughly the same week the sliding doors got installed, and found something better waiting on the other side: four captain's chairs, a DVD player nobody uses anymore, and the quiet dignity of never circling a lot looking for a spot you can't fit into. Wear the badge, wear the brag, or wear the one about the racing team that has never once raced anything. Every design is custom embroidered on an unstructured dad hat. Minivan pride, worn out loud.