Lactose Intolerant Hats

About 68 percent of the world's population has lactose malabsorption, according to the NIDDK at the National Institutes of Health, and somewhere between 30 and 50 million Americans are lactose intolerant. None of that has ever stopped anyone from ordering the pizza. One forum commenter put the math plainly: they would rather deal with the consequences than stop eating cheese. Another always carries Lactaid pills because they can't give up dairy. This collection is for that person. Two plain badges hold the search terms: LACTOSE INTOLERANT and DAIRY FREE, the words shoppers actually type. Around them sit the bits. I REFUSE TO TOLERATE LACTOSE began as wordplay, became a bumper sticker and then a T-shirt, and turns the diagnosis into a protest sign. LACTAID IS MY WINGMAN treats the lactase pill as a loyal friend on a night out. LACTOSE THE INTOLERANT gives the condition a conqueror's title. IT'S THE LACTOSE THAT'S INTOLERANT NOT ME moves the blame where it belongs, and LACTOSE AND I ARE NOT SPEAKING ends the relationship. I CHOOSE CHEESE AND I ACCEPT THE OUTCOME and LACTOSE INTOLERANT AND LIVING DANGEROUSLY are the honest terms of the deal. Every design is custom embroidered on an unstructured dad hat. I REFUSE TO TOLERATE LACTOSE and LACTAID IS MY WINGMAN each come in a second colorway. A good gift for the friend who orders extra mozzarella and keeps the pills in their pocket.