Clumsy & Accident Prone Hats

Clumsy has its own gift category. A Walmart search for I'm Not Clumsy returns tees at roughly $11 to $17 and a $26 hoodie, Redbubble sells clumsy caps and dad hats at about $25 (one reads CAUTION - TRIPPING HAZARD), and Elite Daily, BuzzFeed, Grazia and Her Campus have each run a list of struggles that only clumsy people know. The trait is owned as a personality, and that is the point of this page. These hats speak in the wearer's own voice, and every joke is slapstick at the wearer's expense. The badges are CLUMSY and KLUTZ. The rest take the lists seriously: the Grazia rule that clumsy people are not allowed to wear white because they will spill coffee on it, the Daily Star's klutz bit about counting falls per minute, and the BuzzFeed round-up of stair injuries (its URL slug is "i sprained my knee falling up the stairs"), which is the home of I FALL UP STAIRS. I'M NOT CLUMSY THE FLOOR HATES ME is the sarcastic-tee phrase Walmart already sells, from the "floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies" quote, and it gets a second colorway here, as does the good-plates line. Every design is custom embroidered on an unstructured dad hat. Pick one for the person who has walked into the same doorframe twice, or wear it yourself and let the bruises of unknown origin do the talking.