Cat Distribution System Meme Hats

The Cat Distribution System is the internet's working theory that cats are not adopted but allocated, issued by an unseen authority to whoever happens to be standing outside at the right moment. It has a Know Your Meme entry, its own subreddit and an endless supply of testimony from people who were absolutely not getting a cat and now live with one. Nobody has ever found the office. Everybody knows somebody on the list. We took the bureaucracy seriously. These read like signage, forms and statements rather than punchlines: LOCAL CAT DISTRIBUTION CENTER, because your porch is a facility now. I DID NOT ADOPT THIS CAT, IT WAS ASSIGNED, offered unprompted to anyone who asks. I WAS CHOSEN BY THE CAT DISTRIBUTION SYSTEM, in the passive voice these stories are always told in. PENDING CAT DELIVERY, for those still in the queue. Eight designs in spruce, khaki, navy, cranberry, dark grey, stone, pink and light blue, set in heavy sans, slab serif and plain serif, with kelly green and maroon thread options. Embroidered on a classic six-panel dad hat.