Caffeine Hats

Something changed this year. Alcohol went out and an escalating stimulant routine came in: protein coffee, mushroom coffee, functional energy drinks, cold brew in a container that is honestly closer to a bucket. Every trend report calls it a wellness shift. Anyone actually living it knows the more accurate description is sober but unwell. These are hats for people whose entire personality now runs on a substance they have built an alarming tolerance to. The shaking that gets described as excitement. The fourth cup that makes the senses start trading jobs. The firmly held position that decaf is a lie and always has been. The cold brew that quietly replaced lunch. Nobody in this collection is claiming it is healthy. They are claiming it is working.