Bad Back Hats

In 2018, 28.0 percent of American men and 31.6 percent of women had lower back pain in the previous three months, according to the CDC's National Center for Health Statistics. That is close to a third of adults in one season. BAD BACK and LOWER BACK PAIN are the plain search terms. MY SPINE IS ON STRIKE is a line already printed on back-pain shirts at Zazzle, because it turns a symptom into a labor dispute. I THREW MY BACK OUT SNEEZING belongs to a proud genre: one long forum thread collects backs hurt putting on socks, closing the shower curtain and sleeping. MY BACK GOES OUT MORE THAN I DO is a Joan Rivers line, minus her advice never to admit it. BACK IN MY DAY I HAD A BACK turns the oldest cliche on the body part. MY CHIROPRACTOR CALLS ME ON MY BIRTHDAY is the loyal-customer joke, and I LIFTED WITH MY BACK ONCE is the cautionary tale in six words. MY FAVORITE CHILDHOOD MEMORY IS MY BACK NOT HURTING is the nostalgia joke already sold on t-shirts, and MY BACK CRACKS LIKE BUBBLE WRAP is the sound everyone nearby has already heard. Each design is custom embroidered on an unstructured dad hat. MY SPINE IS ON STRIKE and I THREW MY BACK OUT SNEEZING each get a second colorway. Wear it, then ask someone else to get the box off the top shelf.