Backyard Fireworks Hats

Every neighborhood has a designated fireworks guy. He drives to another state for the good mortars, treats the Fourth of July like a production schedule, and considers the finale a personal responsibility. These hats are for him, and for the family that buys him something to wear while he does it. The two badges name the job plainly: FIREWORKS, and BACKYARD PYROTECHNICIAN for the self-appointed professional. The sentence designs carry the swagger. FIREWORKS DIRECTOR, IF I RUN YOU RUN, and BACK UP TERRY, PUT IT IN REVERSE, are the kind of phrases that already crowd marketplace listings, with a Zazzle search for funny fireworks gifts turning up more than 17,000 products, which is a fair measure of how many people want to say them out loud. THAT'S ENOUGH FIREWORKS, SAID NO ONE EVER, takes the other side of the argument. MY FIREWORKS CROSSED STATE LINES and I LIGHT MONEY ON FIRE, IT'S CALLED FIREWORKS own up to the cost and the road trip with a straight face, and FIREWORKS SAFETY OFFICER hands out an official-sounding title nobody issued. THE FIREWORKS ARE NOT FOR THE KIDS says what every backyard show is really about. Each design is custom embroidered on an unstructured dad hat. FIREWORKS DIRECTOR and I LIGHT MONEY ON FIRE each get a second colorway. Buy one for the fireworks guy before the Fourth, or for the New Year's Eve window when he does it all again, and know he will wear it standing next to the mortar tubes.