50th Birthday Hats

Fifty comes with paperwork. Carson Daly posted the AARP letter that reached him about a month before his 50th, captioned in part "JUST GOT REAL", and Michelle Obama marked her 50th in 2014 by posting her AARP card and announcing she had joined "the 50+ club". Then comes the colonoscopy: the American Cancer Society moved the start of screening to 45 in 2018, but columnists still call the AARP packet followed by the scope a rite of passage, and Tracy Morgan still tells people over 50 to get screened with a blunt colonoscopy joke. These hats keep the jokes specific to this birthday instead of reusing the 40th's templates. FIFTY and HALF CENTURY are the plain badges. NIFTY FIFTY, LOOK WHO'S 50 and FIFTYLICIOUS are phrases already all over 50th birthday gear. I TURNED 50 AND AARP FOUND ME is for the mailer that never misses, MY 50TH BIRTHDAY PRESENT IS A COLONOSCOPY is for the appointment that rides along with the milestone, and FIFTY FULLY DEPRECIATED is for the accountant who thinks of a person as an asset on a schedule. COLD ONES WITH THE OLD ONE is the toast for the round at the bar, and 50 YEARS IN THE MAKING is the sincere one. Every design is custom embroidered on an unstructured dad hat. The AARP and colonoscopy lines each come in a second colorway. Buy it for the surprise party, the birthday trip, or the friend dreading the card.